He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Randomize
