yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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