I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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