WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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