You can't motorboat a personality
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
