It's Friday. Sex?
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you inspire me to be a worse person
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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