I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
