so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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