went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
