All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Randomize
