In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
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It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
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Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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