Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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