You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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