We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
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