Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize