Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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