fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
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