I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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