If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
