God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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