I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
