What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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