I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
