i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
