Just fell off a train. Bad.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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