that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
