Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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