turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
