The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
