I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
