Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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