I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
