nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
