areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
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We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
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I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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