I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
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