i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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