So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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