just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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