He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
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Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
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You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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