You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Duck Duck Cougar?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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