Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
