the day after is always just damage control
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I supernannyed him into submission
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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