apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
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she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
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But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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