Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
