k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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