She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
