Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
