SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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