Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
