They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Randomize
