And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
