This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
