What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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