You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
