I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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