i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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