Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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