is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
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