Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
